Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
