i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You made out with two different species that night
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
