nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
