i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
