so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
