yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
