what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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