when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
