You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
