she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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