AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
