Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
