i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
