i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
