i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
