No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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