she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
