Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
