Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
