next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
