Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
