He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
