there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
