everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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