Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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