i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
two words...techno handjob
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
