Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
