I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
