She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
