I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
