i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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