ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
