So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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