Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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