Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
