apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
