How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
