You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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