yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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