she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I wish life had little blips of pornography
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
