we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
