I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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