Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
