all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
