grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
