I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
if i died would you start the facebook group?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
