Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
