You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
