sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
