we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
