Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
