If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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